The Least Streamed Album in the World

 In this episode of Sci-fi Music tech news Greg Zeroin talks with Zsolt Palatinus, the artist behind ‘Reflections’

G: Zsolt, how does someone end up creating the least listened to music album on the whole planet?

Z: Well it takes a lot of work and devotion. Plus, you've got to be kind of stubborn at it, too.

G: So, how low can you get with the number of listeners these days?

Z: Pretty low, believe me...

G: I mean there's always at least one, yourself?

Z:     Well, that was the first thing we ruled out by a rather simple technique that made me medically deaf throughout production. That guarantees that I do not pump up the numbers accidentally.

G: Wait, so you did not listen to your own music while you recorded it?

Z:     Yeah, no. It also sped up things a bit. It turns out, I can produce at least twice as fast if I am not hindered by how it sounds.

G:     Impressive, so that brings down the numbers to zero. I mean provided that you protected the album from listeners after it was done, correct?

Z:     Yes, for a while it was protected but you know, anyone could do that. At that point we realized that we've got to move lower than zero. By a lot actually.

G: Sweet Jesus, Zsolt how can you have less than no one listening to your music?

Z:     Well, with some advanced programming, you can create macros that hack the music distributor services. Once inside, these macros activate some math-magic that will bring down the numbers into the negatives. Works like a charm.

G:     Wait a second, aren’t those just abstract numbers? They do not mean that less than zero people listened..

Z:     It kinda does tho. See, what happens is that the procedure creates a kind of vacuum that has a real effect on listeners, you know. Let me explain. If these macros set the counter to say, minus one and after that you listen to one of my tracks, your contribution will bring up the number of listens to zero. So you need to listen to a second time to get registered as 1.

G:     Amazing, so, for example today, how many listens would you need to get a positive number of listens on your album?

Z:     A lot. And by that I mean, man, really a lot. If every atom in the known universe became a listener and every one of them kept skipping from one of my songs to another after 30 seconds, which is the length required to register as a listen, and they kept doing this for as long as the estimated remaining time until the thermodynamic death of Everything... it would still be in the minuses by a number that would have more digits than the number of atoms you started with.

G:     Oh please, stop, my mind can only be so blown. But why, Zsolt, why would you need to be that extreme in avoiding recognition in your field of art?

Z:     I am afraid you're missing the point here. With numbers so deep in the negatives I do not have to avoid anything. The album Reflections is no longer protected from listeners. These days, you can go ahead and listen to it, people do that all the time. It does not make a difference, the macros will always lower the numbers at a much higher rate than humans can pump them up. 

G:     Wait. Are you telling me that even if Reflections became one of the most streamed albums, it would still not make a dent in your least listened stats?

Z:     Correct. In fact, Reflections has the potential to become the most and least listened to musical recording at the same time.

G:     That's something. Wow. Zsolt, we have time for one more question.

Z: Fire away.

G:    If someone, someone clever, would be able to create macros that act like humans but a lot faster than humans in order to defeat your negative macros and pump up your numbers where they belong, what would you...

Z: This interview is over...*to someone else* I told you, I did not want to talk with this sonofa..

CUT