Do you wish to become a star overnight?

 G Alright alright alright. Well well well. Today, my dear music makers and enthusiasts, your one and only Greg Zeroin will chat with none other than Mr. Mike Euphamas, from Star Overnight, one of the biggest online music promoters of these strange times. Mike, can you make me famous overnight?

M Greg, I think you are already doing pretty well climbing that ladder up to the night sky..

G That was very kind of you to say…

M But, if, up in your sleeves you have recorded music that you wish to share online through streamer services? Absolutely, man, we’re there to support you and drive your chariot up on the Milky Way for all to see.

G Fantastic, so, let’s say I have a just released single or EP on Spotify and every other major music streaming service but nobody seems to care about streaming it. What shall I do?

M Wonderful. You already made a tiny mistake though, because you should have hired us to release your material through some secret shortcuts straight on the tracks towards the rocket launcher you know. But it’s alright we can right all your wrongs.

G So, what is the first step at this point, that my EP or song is out?

M First, we need to know your goals.

G I want people to listen to my music.

M Sweet, how many listeners do you want? What kind of listeners? How many followers? How many fans, who will actively share your music? How many diehard fans, who would do anything to push you up day and night? Do you wish to land a real record deal with the big boy music publishing companies or do you wish to try your luck like a lonesome rider who comes to all towns, all banks, all saloons and takes all there is to take before riding straight into the setting sun?

G U-oh, Mike, that all sounds a little too good to be true. Can you guys at Star Overnight really make any of that happen?

M All and more. You just need to tell us where you wish to get. And how fast you wish to get there.

G Alright, so let me see, I want to have a thousand listeners per month.

M There’s no shame in being modest. Although, that’s pretty much the only good thing I can tell you about it. (laughs) If you know what I mean, haha.

G Okay, what happens if I wish to start this small.

M Not much. You pay us our fees and you have your listeners. Guaranteed.

G What’s the price?

M Let me see for 25 dollars per month we can bring you 1K listeners.

G Wow. Are those real people listening to my songs?

M Ah, you wish to be old fashioned, no bots, only organic listeners, right? Ha. 50 dollars per month. But you won't be able to tell the difference. Real people listeners are overrated. They often don’t even listen.

G Do the 25 dollar bots listen?

M Nope. But nobody thought they did. Clean game.

G I don’t know, I still think that the whole point in music streaming is that people can enjoy music without dedicated hardware and..

M Greg, Greg you sound like my granddad. The whole point in music streaming is stats. Big numbers - big time - big stars. As simple as that. And you can be one of them. For a reasonable price.

G Mike, what do you think about people who become famous in music without paying for views and followers and comments and likes and…

M Cheaters.

G Excuse me?

M Don’t get me started on this. Actually, you know what? Let me tell you this. Last week I was at a meeting with some big shots in the music industry. You know, the Godfathers, the King Makers, and the rest of the gang. There were some senators and high ranking officers there too. One thing we agreed upon wholeheartedly was that it has to be stopped.

G What has to be stopped?

M These cheaters, who do not pay their fair share in promotion.

G But..

M Sorry for interrupting, but I think I know what you wish to say. It IS cheating. Music is not supposed to be that kind that gets into people’s minds just like that. You know it’s like a drug. And it should be illegal and it will be illegal. Musicians should be required to show how much they pay for promotion. And if there is a discrepancy, you know, when you starting to get way too many likes and followers and downloads and everything but you paid chickensh(beep) for promotion then we will know that you were messing with your lyrics or beats or chords to get into people's heads just like that. We and the authorities will know why your listeners like those songs. Not because hard working promoters like us put them on playlists and not because they popped up on people’s walls precisely as many times as it was paid for. They liked it just because the song was mental, psychic, you know, aesthetically tampered with to sound good without the need for being pushed.

G I am not sure if I understand this kind of regulation from a listener’s point of view. A good song won’t hurt anyone.

M Don’t be so sure. Broken hearts, asylum and suicide. Just a few of the many horrors that follow those deviant self-serving songs. Crying babies and funerals and (sobbing uncontrollably) even worse all because these reckless “artists” who decided to abuse their talent, the system and eventually their own audience. Greg, it needs to be stopped. Those monsters who make viral music without paying for people to like it shoud be prosecuted. The sooner the better.

G Good grief. How soon do you think mandatory and overseen promotion will be enacted in the international music landscape?

M It is hard to tell, but we’re pushing hard. The first regulation bills may be proposed as early as next year or something. But no worries, normal, law abiding musicians and listeners won’t even see any difference. Those decadent songs are extremely rare even today, because we already spy on these cheaters and doctor their streams to push possible listeners out of their ways.

G OMG, do musicians know this?

M Haha, I doubt that. I could tell you more but only amongst the two of us (winks). So, do you subscribe for your 1K organic audience, Greg?

G As soon as I am done with my EP, perhaps.

M Don’t forget to ask us to help you with the release as well.

G Sure thing, appreciate your offer, Mike.

M Anytime, pal. It was noice talking to you.

G Thanks for coming to chat with me today. Folks, Mike Euphamas, from Star Overnight. Stay tuned for more music interviews!